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I read until midnight but still couldn´t sleep. Why do I always feel guilty to someone or something? Steampunk novels and whiskey, an increasing air of defeat. A cold wind was blowing, blowing in the city. I drove out to the country to slow down my disease, but this pessimism came with me, it's permeated deep. By noon I was opening up a bottle of red. I sat and watched the horses graze beside my tent. So, I picked up my guitar and started to play and my old songs didn't sound so bad. I sang out to the forest, this is what she sang back: "Why do you look so hard for a reason? There's no reason in this." There's a desperate beauty inside of that awful secret.
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2. |
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The shakey feeling is back again, there's not enough liquor in the city to steady these hands. This town's made its demands and it's a price I just couldn't pay. It feels like I'm losing touch and I can't stand to have a heart so full of hate. I reiterate again and again, it's not you, it's me. The roads leading out are hard to see, but it's long past my cue to leave. It's not the end scene, but for me sticking around means waiting to die. It means never trying to find a better way, it means ignoring all the signs that all this shit is fake. I just don't need it. I hope there's no hard feelings, for me I hold no grudge. When a relationship has lost it's love, it's time to move on. This place just doesn't seem to be any part of who I want to be anymore.
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3. |
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4. |
Thief
04:00
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I got so many stories floating around in my head, you're the heroine in most of them. There's villages and oceans and cityscapes, they all fade to black when I catch a glimpse of you in one of the pictures that I stole while you were minding your own business. Can't say I regret it. My heart screams into a pillow and I just try to stay calm. I just try. Four more months without you, I've been drinking way too much. So now I'm in the lunchroom and I can't seem to pay attention. All these nice people mean nothing. I'm lost in you. I want to get lost in you, tangled in your memories, deep down the river, further than anyone's been, Until then all I've got are these stolen pictures and a neverending dream.
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5. |
The gate is open
02:57
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Still holding onto fantasies I pretend I don't believe in anymore. Still living in this town I always swore I'd leave. I told everyone I'd never be back again. I guess this place is home. How many nights alone do I have to spend before I can let this place go? Are we kindred spirits or are we just killing time? Still tilting bottles back as if there's something liquid that can fix this. Still drawn to situations I know I'll live to regret. You can forget about me once I'm gone. You can laugh and say, "you'll never leave!" But one day I'll be strong. I think my legs are pumping blood and I'm running. I think my mind has been made up: this dog is long gone.
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6. |
Big Bearick (Reprise)
00:39
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7. |
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Sing to me about railroads, about throwing empty bottles at the stars. Highways and last calls and lonely losers who'll never get to far. I'm back on the move again. I love the feeling of the wind in my hair. Sing to me about failure, redemption and regret. Running away and mountaintops and blowing off your debts. There's a billion things you could try to be in the world tonight, we're all lost without a map. The moon tonight is huge in the sky and I don't know just when I'll be back. I'm back on a bus today, I can't remember where it is I'm even headed. The future is just like the past, it's just trying to find meaning in a mess. Everything looks beautiful when it's seen from a rear-view mirror. Sing to me about lost love, nights of heartsick and loneliness, abandoned cities, border crossings and how to let go of yourself. Another turning of the wheel and who knows, things may yet be better than ever they once were.
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8. |
Catman Do
03:16
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I was buying hash in Kathmandu, heading to the mountains for a night or two. I was running away from the mundane, I can't stand to live my life that way. I ain't thinking about the future tonight. I can hardly keep my eyes open when you're talking to me, office politics or some new show on TV. I want to shake you by the shoulders, yelling, "you've been tricked!" Your boring, safe life's making us both sick. I don't want to talk about the past tonight. The streets are filled with garbage and my shower never works. Go buy a big house for yourself, I won't hide my smirk. I guess I'm a loser with nothing to show, one of these days I'll probably never come home.
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9. |
Empty Stadium
02:21
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I will hum to myself as I walk down the road. The towel was thrown in, the audience all went home. I was beaten and bloody, now I'll live with the shame, but right now the sun's out and every dog has his day. My fur is getting coarse, my eyes are regretful. The spring in my step's gone, I'm no longer playful. This silence is peaceful, these chords aren't mine. Won't you tell me your story? I've got nothing but time. Maybe tomorrow I'll find a reason to try. The road is windy, but I don't care if I get lost.
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10. |
Unrequited
02:19
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I wanted to tell off everyone, but couldn't remember why. I wanted to expose us all as careless beasts, but couldn't remember why. I wanted to live. I wanted to be everything at the same time. I howled and howled, but no one gave a shit. I discovered that I was holding an empty bottle as we climbed up the stoop, so I turned around and laughed and hurled it far up the empty street. When the glass shattered, and when the girls all screamed, I wanted to say that's what I thought about all the talk everyone had made. Unrequited love, we catch the world unprepared for us. In brief, we were doomed to an unsuccessful night, I never knew entirely why.
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11. |
Debt is chains, son
03:22
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I guess I'm not so young anymore, and I can't stand the thought of being old. But, there's no way in hell I'm getting stuck on Revolutionary Road. We'll always have time, I've still got so much left to see. A heavy feeling, like something's got to give. I've got a restless heart and a habit of running away. Intoxicated, we beg at stars, staring up at the dark. The city streets all look the same. Everybody is stuck, everybody is hopeless. Driving out of town, you'll see the sun also rises. Did I sell my soul or was I just a stupid boy? Let's run for a while. Hold your money closely as they lower your casket into the grave.
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12. |
Moloko Velocet
03:03
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Sitting around thinking about calling when it's dark out. So I pick up my cellphone, but all that thing ever does is make me feel lonely. I'm always on the cusp of something great just before I trip and fuck up. I'm I wish I would have, I'm the king of regrets. I just can't seem to pay attention to anything. These days my head's not in the clouds, it's peeling out of the parking lot. I don't think I'm better than this, but does anyone actually want to be here? I don't have the heart to fake it, would you like me to anyways? I'm going to drive my shitty car to the mountains for a couple of nights, a much-needed reminder of the reasons I'm alive.
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LAWNMOWER MAN Edmonton, Alberta
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